Are negative Coping Skills Genetic?

[Hummingbird]

Is codependency an adaptive trait? Is this "negative" coping method a remnant of our stone age genes? Being in a group and knowing your place were absolute necessities for our stone age ancestors (which is where I believe our genes still are).
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>> Also I believe that fear of abandonment and its effect on women (especially) could be an adaptive trait. It was imperative for women of child bearing age to be in a group or with a strong male due to the vulnerablity of human pregnancy, birth and child rearing. For a women to be abandoned would mean almost certain death or loss of the child.

[thecompoundmind]

The determination of a trait being based on genetics or learning is one that has caused many arguments and no real proof. Due to ethical and humane considerations we can't experiment in a way that would determine these things accurately.

This said I have spent some time thinking about the ideas of what is inherited trait through genes, and therefore unavoidable, and what is learned, and could of course be un-learned. Since there is always some argument I made the choice that I believe everything to be learned. For me the value of this is that I have now given myself control of all aspects of my behavior putting change in my control! A very useful concept.

I expanded this slightly and added the idea that anything one human can do, another can do. While I may not be able to play basketball like Larry Bird, I can often throw a ball through the hoop. This is an additional useful belief as it helps me be open to the idea that I can do anything poorly... and hopefully improve with practice.

Unfortunately for us much of our learning is done through modeling before the age of three. We then fall back on these behaviors throughout our lives. If you come from a family in which "codependence" is practiced you are likely to come away from that experience with the behavioral tools to put it to work for you.

If you step away from the negative label then "codependent" behavior is just another strategy to get what you want. Unfortunately it is rather inelegant and possibly damaging in the process. How else could you achieve the same outcome of being cared for? Is there something else that can provide you the same fulfillment that dependency does? Of course, I don't expect answers but think of these as points to ponder.

As a survival trait I don't see that "codependency" is necessary since it is not universal. Not everyone behaves in this fashion. To my thinking the worst part of this type of behavior is that the person who is "codependent" still lives in fear of abandonment and loss of succor. It seems like a lot of work to still live in fear.

Belonging to a group is extremely important for humans. We have a tremendous amount of energy applied to this and even have specific emotions such as guilt and shame that help maintain our group standing. Fear of loss of group membership can occur in anyone and is the source of "peer pressure" and other fun things. The more important membership is and the more tenuous your membership the greater the concern about maintaining these bonds. While loss of group status may have been life threatening in the Stone Age there is some research that has suggested that the women ran things and took care of most of the group's needs while the men occasionally hunted. The major difference today is that we are no longer communal but rather exist in separated families in which we do not help each other in the way we used to. This insulation has driven us to actually put more pressure on our spousal relationships as the consequences of their failing may actually be worse in the Modern Age.

Now you've got me thinking, it might be time for an article on that emotion we call FEAR!